From the original article on September 27, 2007. Author: Chateau Heartiste.
In a previous post I discussed a workable definition of identifying alpha males that most non-delusional people would have no problem agreeing with. Here I will set out what defines the alpha female. In some ways, the alpha female is a mirror image of her male counterpart. Where quantity counts heavily toward a man’s rank, quality does so for women. Where notches boost a man’s score, commitment boosts a woman’s score.
The amount of variables that go into determining a woman’s sexual market value is considerably smaller than it is for men, thus making the determination of the alpha female quite a bit easier. The reason for this has to do with the inherently imprecise and heterogeneous nature of male power versus the comparatively objective nature of female power. A boring rich man, a starving artist, and a charismatic rapscallion can all do well with women, so individual measures such as wealth, creativity, and dominance, on their own, fall short as inclusive definitions of alpha male status. We have had to use indirect evidence of a man’s alphaness – his success with women – to come up with a male ranking system that allows for very few exceptions to the rule.
Women, on the other hand, can be ranked more directly (though not entirely). Unless she’s got HIV or is missing a vagina, a 9 will in almost all cases be more alpha than a 6, regardless of how many men she dates. This stems from the fact that men are not as diverse as women in what turns them on in the opposite sex. Men dig beauty. A feminine personality and sexual adventurism follow in a distant second and third place. Smarts takes up the rear in fourth. Men’s simple attraction programming means that we can rank women by their hotness without worrying about too many exceptions that violate the integrity of our ranking system.
But that is not the whole story. Besides hotness, there is one other factor that influences female rank — the maximum level of commitment she can extract from her best option. Her personality, charm, sexiness, character, and nurturing ability will make the difference here. The best option rule is essential – men who are below her first choice offer unwanted commitment while men who are too far above her are guaranteed to put less effort into the relationship.
So the two variables defining female rank are:
Female hotness (sorry girls, but beauty is 99% NOT in the eye of the beholder).
Maximum level of commitment from the top suitor (this is what really separates the contenders from the pretenders; committing up is trickier than dating up).
Male partner rank is included as a reference point showing what pool of men is normally available to a woman of a particular rank. This will on average be a little higher than the woman’s rank since women date up.
What is not included –
Number of partners means little to a woman’s rank. Even a 1 can get fucks dumped in her by a drooling parade of Quasimodos. Of course, a 10 will have way more males desiring her than the 1, but since men are more willing to occasionally dumpster dive and women don’t lust for variety as much as men do, we will leave that irrelevant variable out of the equation.
| Female Rank | Hotness(F) | Male Rank | Max Commitment Level |
|---|---|---|---|
| Warpigs* | 0 | 0,1 | 30 seconds through glory hole |
| Lesser Omega | 1,2 | 1,2,3 | 15 minutes, moonless night only, contacts removed, never sober, doggy style with nothing but genitalia touching and a vomit bag nearby |
| Greater Omega | 2,3 | 2,3,4 | one hour with aid of mexican wrestling mask and stick to bite down on |
| Lesser Beta | 3,4 | 3,4,5 | 4 weeks and nobody knows except you and your god |
| Beta | 4,5,6 | 4,5,6,7 | 6 months - 5 yrs, no flowers, no poems, no nights out, zero foreplay, she never comes, ultimatum spurs marriage proposal, divorce a messy but welcome denouement, housework is 70/30 favoring the man |
| Greater Beta | 6,7 | 6,7,8 | 5 - 10 years, marriage tainted by at least one affair, passion fades after first year, marriage becomes comfortable compromise, chance of divorce slightly beats the odds |
| Lesser Alpha | 7,8 | 7,8,9 | 10 - 15 years, she convinces him to marry right away instead of cohabit, first 5 years of marriage are magical time of animal sex and sweet romance, kids are never resented, husband works ass off to support family, super hot mistress precipitates divorce |
| Alpha | 8,9 | 8,9,10 | 10 years of faithful cohabitation, followed by 15 years of progressively unfaithful marriage (hey, hot people are constantly tempted), affairs ignored, sex always good, romantic gestures clever, original, and heart- warming, family portrait painted by norman rockwell descendant |
| Super Alpha | 10 | 10 | foreva eva, a polyamorous eternity, love stays strong (or at least until she hits the wall) |
*Water cooler bonus: there are twice as many dregs as warpigs.
Exception argument:
What about the rare female 4 who snags a male 8? Doesn’t that make her an alpha?
No. Let’s turn it around to show why. If a male 4 snags a female 8 his ranking goes up, maybe even as far up as a male 8. Other women see and hear about him with his hot girl and the phenomenon of female preselection assures that he will now be more attractive to a bigger pool of women. Not all female 8s will suddenly find him attractive, but enough will that it will make a difference in his alpha ranking.
Conversely, if a female 4 lands a male 8 her sexual status ranking will barely nudge up, if at all. That is because male preselection does not work. Other men won’t become more attracted to a female 4 despite seeing her with a much higher status guy. They will be curious, but their crotches won’t stir. Her basic package of looks will still dictate the amount of attraction she can generate from men.
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