Penis Pic Game

Listed under Heartiste: 2011.Theme

From the original article on January 28, 2011. Author: Chateau Heartiste.

A reader who wishes to remain anonymous emails:

Big fan of your work.

I saw this exchange on FB, and I couldn’t resist snapping some screen shots.

“R” is an early-thirties female. Commenters J, J, and E are all males.

When I read the initial post, I couldn’t help but picture a cocky asshole, annoyed with her presumption, and deciding the penis pic was the best way to shut it down.

After “E” suggests something similar, her story changes a bit IMO. But I’ll leave the interpretation to you and your readers.

Here is the exchange:

Frist of all, props to the guys “J”, “J” and “E” for handling this whiny broad with biting humor, and to the original penis pic sender for offending her sensibilities. I like the last suggestion from “J” that she should return fire with a pic of her vagina. For some reason I cannot fathom, I doubt she’ll consider that option.

When “E” implies there must be a good reason penis pic man stood her up and “nuked” their conversation, she changes her story in an obvious way that makes her look better. It’s funny how often women badly contradict themselves in a web of lies when their sexual market value is disparaged. Recall Maxim #77:

Maxim #77: Women will screech louder the closer your words get to damaging or exposing vulnerabilities in their sexual market value.

Penis pic game justifiably gets a bad rap as a seduction technique, but it’s under-appreciated as an effective means of belittling a haughty bitch. It is the ultimate shit test, because there really is no answer to a picture of a penis on your phone. Even as a serious pickup technique, I think it could work on really twisted, slutty girls who crave the most intense asshole experience the cock carousel can provide.

To properly run penis pic game, you should be aware of the basic rules of engagement:

• You don’t have to send a pic of your own penis. Choose from any number of porn star penises on the web. Or, if you really want to deliver a powerful message, text her a pic of a penis maimed with disease and pus-dripping open sores. Bonus points if you send a black peen to a white SWPL girl.
• If you send a pic of your own penis with authenticity in mind, make sure you are packing heat. You’ll have to be honest with yourself. Treat penis pics like any other text game: does it pass the Jumbotron test? If your penis is flashed on a Jumbotron in front of thousands of spectators, would you beam with pride? Or hide in shame? It kind of kills the purpose of penis pic game if she shares it with her friends for a good laugh.
• Caveat to the above point: A pic of a micropenis from a medical reference manual would be funny. It’s like saying “this is all you’re worth, honey.”
• Send a flaccid penis. An erection will make her wonder if you get excited at the thought of texting her. A flaccid penis says all the right things to a bitch you want to put in place. Namely, “You are not woman enough to marginally bestir my loins.” Also, you aren’t a gay man texting another gay man.
• Include the balls some way. If you have a robust, assertive sack that frames your penis like a museum piece, this won’t be hard to do. There’s just something extra demeaning about frank *and* beans.
• Shoot from below. This is a well-known trick that photographers use to emphasize largeness and dominance. Plus, it’s been shown that women like looking up at men. Extend the honor to your junk! Lighting is important, too. When lit from below, the penis will have that malevolent look, like a flashlight under the chin.

I would run penis pic game, but a phone with a 24 inch screen hasn’t been invented yet.

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