The Perfect Alpha Male Online Dating Profile

Listed under Heartiste: 2013.Theme

From the original article on May 24, 2013. Author: Chateau Heartiste.

A reader, somewhat drunk on his own amusement, passes along the Facebook page of the thoroughbred that sired the Kentucky Derby winner.

This is the father of the Derby winner. This is what your Facebook page should look like!

Ok.

In 2013

• LEADING SIRE by North American earnings; 1st by N.A. stakes wins
• Sire of America’s LEADING 3-year-old, Kentucky Derby winner ORB ($2,335,850)
• 2013 2YOs in Training are averaging $264,667:Sale Topper at Barretts March – $675,000 colt;$625,000 filly and $550,000 colt at FT March; $485,000 and $370,000 OBS March colts
• 5 SWs, 10 stakes wins: KY Derby (G1)/Florida Derby (G1) winner ORB; Peter Pan (G2) winner FREEDOM CHILD; Multiple GSW KAUAI KATIE ($633,000); La Canada (G2) winner/Santa Margarita (G1)-runner-up MORE CHOCOLATE; multiple 2013 SW MOON PHILLY
• Co-#1 Sire of Experimental horses (6)
• Best books yet coming of age:
  • 139 registered 2YOs of 2013
  • 146 foals of 2012

So far so good. Let’s have a look at that photo.

Nice. Looking pensively into the distance. Refusing to engage the female viewer head on. Absorbed with the world out there, as if plotting the overthrow of a faraway donkey kingdom. This is filly crack.

Any adventurous and creative readers are welcome, neigh, encouraged!, to craft an online dating website or Facebook profile like our stud horse’s above, except with a few words and photos changed to indicate the featured alpha male is a human and not a horse.

Wait, CH, I’m supposed to say I sired quality children and guided 146 “foals” to their coming of age?

Yep.

Beats droning on about your code monkey career and her love of travel. You might be surprised by how many... ahem... siring opportunities come your way.

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