From the original article on May 13, 2008. Author: Chateau Heartiste.
Over at Alias Clio, a blog I occasionally read, I posted the following comment on a thread about niceguys and their eternal torment trapped in the LJBF zone:
...no man wants to be a cute girl’s emotional tampon. fulfilling her emotional needs while having his physical needs denied is a one way street to bitterness. women with real sympathy for men’s sexual needs would not put a lovelorn niceguy through the anguishing ringer of platonic friendship. but most women (and men) don’t possess that kind of empathy and selflessness for the opposite sex. women simply get too much benefit from having what pickup artists call “orbiters” feeding their egos by doting on them and listening to them drone about their badboy BFs without having to put out.
male-female friendships only work when neither are physically attracted to the other, and they *partially* work when 1) the woman is attracted to the man but he isn’t attracted to her or 2) he is attracted to her but getting lots of action from other women.
in fact, the best course to follow for the man who wants his choice in women is to cultivate lots of hot female friends who can act as “pivots” and “social proof” for picking up other women. this will be difficult to manage if he’s in the midst of a dry spell because his unquenched lust will envelop him like a repellent shroud and make the normal to-and-fro of friendship building an excruciating ordeal, mostly for him but in time for her, too. it is much easier to be friends with attractive women when the man is in a perpetual state of sexual satiation.
I’ve thought about this and I believe what I wrote is an accurate description of reality. Men and women simply cannot be friends unless certain conditions are met.
This is easy. When there’s no loin burning to get in the way a girl buddy is like a guy buddy, except you can dump on her about your dating troubles and give your opinion of in-season colors without getting laughed at. Just remember you’re not going to talk about the same things with a girl buddy. She won’t tolerate hours of analysis about AMD vs Intel or your fantasy baseball team, and in return she’ll curb her urge to discuss shoes with you ad nauseum. An honest and trustworthy girl buddy makes an excellent fashion consultant and, if she’s not hideous looking, a valuable addition to your game as a pivot (a girl who will make you look good in clubs and help you meet other women).
Unfortunately, very few women that you would want to be seen with in public qualify as true 100% friend material. You’re limited to fat chicks, ugly chicks (4s and below), and older women who are crashing headlong into the wall. All other women, even the plain ones, will at some point be seen by guys as sex objects, because our straydar for sex opportunities is always active. Probably the best the average man can hope for is a 95% friendship with a 5 or 6 rating girl where he occasionally risks the friendship 5% of the time drunkenly announcing his intention to make sweet love to her cleavage.
Girls find it easier to keep their sex drives in check, which is why they can retain their sanity while remaining friends with uninterested guys they are attracted to far longer than the reverse scenario. Men who are attracted to their girl buddies cannot stay friends for long without either making a sloppy move and killing the friendship or sacrificing their last ounce of dignity as they go insane from blue balls toxic shock. But for women in this position, it’s a house of cards. With enough time, this type of friendship will eventually dissolve in drama, as happened to me once when a female roommate left our apartment overnight because I didn’t feel the same way about her. (FYI: girls turn bathrooms into pigsties.)
There is only one way a single man can be friends with a woman he wants to bang and that’s when his balls are so drained from fucking other women that he feels no testicular pressure to act on his desire. You’ll notice that a typical sexually satisfied alpha has lots of hot girl acquaintances he doesn’t bother gaming because the effort required is not worth the very small marginal increase in pleasure or risk of losing the girls as social proof and as friends. This is really the ideal short-term situation to be in for a man — swimming in pussy and therefore able to tolerate and even enjoy the friendship of unavailable hot girls without being overwhelmed by lust to corrupt their friendship status with intimate jackhammering. But in the long-term, the underlying male animal lust for a hot girl buddy must resolve itself, and even the most well-fed man will devour a filet mignon if it’s put on a plate in front of him every day. My advice: It’s best to take hot girl buddies in small doses. Like for two hours on a Friday night in a bar where you can leverage their hot friendship to build your harem with new recruits.
If you’re looking to be a cool friend to hot chicks without falling victim to the temptation to hit on them, you can acquire this noble virtue on the cheap by shackling your vice within the artificial prison of marriage or exclusive relationships. (Note: The opposite doesn’t work — most men will sleep with a hot married woman given the chance and in spite of the risk.) This is the foolproof method for betas to be relaxed and emotionally stable friends with attractive girls they’d love to bang. They simply tell themselves that they already have a girl waiting for them at home who they love very much or, if they don’t love her, who would be really pissed if they cheated on her, and so the pressure is off. They can therefore rationalize their asexual acquiescence to LJBFdom as a pose of moral rectitude. This self-hypnosis is a convenient veneer for washed-up betas out of the game, for if a genuine opportunity arose with one of their hot friends they’d suddenly feel the psychic strain of battling real temptation, and all that happy clappy harmless niceguy friend posturing would buckle under the heaving mass of their juiced up lust. This is why the beta who stays faithful to his wife is less virtuous than the alpha who does the same.
Pretty simple trick to be platonic with a chick when she’s a flick on your monitor and a thousand miles away.
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Final Thoughts
The beta niceguy who has a girl buddy he secretly wants to screw is not really a friend to her at all, and vice versa. To the exploitative girl, he is merely a tool to massage her ego, abetting her puling therapeutic self-absorbed shit that no alpha male friend would ever tolerate. To the beta, her friendship is just a complicated schematic for finding some backchannel weasely way into her pants as substitute for his lack of courage to bust a move and dignity to walk away when his feelings aren’t reciprocated.
And that’s the core problem for betas. They are so afraid they’ll never find a girl who will love them that they’d rather degrade themselves clinging endlessly to unsympathetic girl buddies under the pretense that maybe one day she’ll see the lion inside and finally succumb to his charms. The LJBF racket has had a monopoly on weak men for a long time, possibly since the first caveman consoled a cavegirl bitching about her tribal leader boyfriend by letting her nuzzle into his shoulder as he said “there, there” and struggled against a mighty boner under his furs.
My advice to LJBF’ed betas would be to drop the whole idea of being friends with attractive women until they have gotten some actual experience fucking women, rather than experience holding excruciatingly sterile platonic conversations with them about the minutiae of their lives.
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